Sunday, December 11, 2011

Motherhood

I would have never imagined what I have learned in the last three months.  Here is a small collection:

1. I love breast feeding.  Like, LOVE it.  Not so much that I would take the milk makers out in public (never ever ever), but I do love it.  I love the cuddle of my baby and how he holds onto my shirt with his little hand as he eats.  I love watching his cheeks pudge and knowing that I did that.  Selfishly, I love that it's free.  I love that it helped me lose most (not all...dang belly pudge) of my baby weight.  I love that my baby has been held by TONS of people (including grubby students) and hasn't gotten sick once due to the super powers of breast milk.  What I don't love?  The fact that my baby STILL takes 40 minutes to eat.  Most babies speed up after a few weeks and eat in 10-15 minutes.  Not my sweet cheeks.  The doctor says it's just because he enjoys it so much--how sweet is that?  I guess I'll allow it :).  What ELSE don't I love?  Pumping at work.  I have to cover my windows and lock my doors.  Still, I've been walked on be a female student and 2 male co-workers.  Luckily I cover up, but still.  I have spilled milk on kid's work, my keyboard, the floor.  I was so busy I forgot to pump one conference period and had to ask a friend to cover my class the first few minutes.  But I know that when I am done pumping, that means I'm done breast feeding.  And I'm not ready for that.  Not at all.  I know it isn't for everyone but I am passionate about it.  If you are pregnant, at least try it.  For me?

Also, I have come to realize that moms who breastfeed aren't trying to be awkward when they cover up and breast feed in the same room.  Their babies just need to eat and the poor moms don't want to isolate themselves.  So suck it up...you can't see anything.  It is so hard to schedule feedings and outings together!

2. Sleep is elusive but the need for sleep is equally as elusive.  I am tired but can easily make it through the day.  It hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it would be.  Granted, I will LOVE it when I can sleep though the night regularly again, but that also means my sweet cheeks is growing up.  And this stage is so fun.

3.  Everything your baby does is amazing.  Everything.  I can't get over it. Exhibit A:

Can you believe how well my baby can hold up his head? (seriously, you say lame stuff like that and mean it!)
4.  Single mothers deserve as much help as we can give.  I can't imagine this without my husband.  He is endlessly helpful, adores our baby, and cares for me.  I can pass off the occasional diaper change, trade off bath nights, and get waited on as I feed our baby.  He's incredible.

5.  It is incredible how selfless you become when you have a baby.  Nothing is about you any more.  It's refining.  Not perfecting, but refining.  Ironically, as I got to this point, Easton woke up and started to cry to eat.  I am typing and feeding at the same time (a skill only a mom could have).

6.  I can feel a portion of what it would feel like to lose a child or a pregnancy.  I am not nearly arrogant enough to say I know how it feels, but my heart feels differently now when I read stories of losing a child or the hope of a pregnancy that is lost.  It aches more.  It pains me more.  I feel a bit of bewilderment and confusion when I think about it.  A slight "How can I go on?" feeling.  It makes me want to cuddle my child.  It makes me stand for 10 minutes and watch him sleep while his chest incredibly rises and falls with each breath.  I can't begin to imagine the depth of the feeling of loss that a parent would feel in that situation but I know that my child has made me feel different about those situations.  It has made me feel more.  It has made me pray more for families who experience this devastating loss.

7. I still regularly want to sock people in the face for ALWAYS talking about the downside.  When we were pregnant it was "Oh, get your sleep now!  You'll never sleep again.  Never."  Or "you'll NEVER want to leave the house with a baby.  It's too hard."  Now I get, "Oh your baby sleeps well and is sweet?  Wait until the next one.  It will be a terror."  I got it, World.  Kids are hard.  I didn't get into this gig thinking it would be kicks and giggles.


In other news...Easton was dedicated at church today.  And they announced him by saying "Easton Nichols and her parents Justin and Laura."  Poor kid.